Wednesday, July 14, 2010

One of Life's Ironies

For a long time, I have been looking, actually that’s not the right word b/c that would have required an action on my part. Ok, for a long time I have HOPED that when I got into a serious relationship it would be with a man who accepted me for me…ALL of me. I’m overweight, obese, and have serious hang-ups about it. And even though I have never been happy or comfortable about my weight, I wanted a guy who would love all my rolls and dimples, shakes and jiggles.
Almost five years ago, I got that. My son’s father…my man (the labels are never ever right for me, they all seem inadequate) loves my body. Honestly, he’s made me more comfortable with my body, more accepting of my rolls and dimples, shakes and jiggles. So, all this time I wanted someone else to accept me, when I couldn't even accept myself.
Of course, I still haven't accepted myself. I don’t think I would ever be in a place where I could be fat and happy. I see fat people all the time who don’t seem to be trying to hide their bulges and I kind of envy them, but I do wonder if it’s real. I wonder if they could magically be any size if they would choose to be fat. But I digress. That’s a topic for another entry.
So, here’s the funny part. I don’t know if I was just ready or if having someone who didn’t hound me about my weight and even loved me being big made the difference but after finally getting a man who likes the fat, I’m taking it off. In fact, my biggest worry when I decided to start this weight loss journey was whether he would go find some fatter chick! Ha. How’s that for one of life’s ironies?

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