So, I done had me a pity party. I wasn't feeling well all week; tired and run down and I guess I decided I wasn't going to be strong. I'm actually still KINDA proud of myself because when I "cheat" it is not the behavior or the kinds of foods that I would binge off of in my other life. You guys already know my major "non cheat, cheat" protein bars (I indulged this week); I also ate some foods when I wasn't supposed to and increased some of my portions (this happened this weekend); and the worst of all I had a piece of my son's potatoes that had oil and salt on it...and a Brussels sprout that had salt and oil...actually it was a half of a sprout.
In all seriousness what I'm most concerned about was that I felt myself resort to old form, which is mostly not feeling in control of my eating. It's a scary feeling. But you know the worst part? It's that I lost 4.6 pounds this week because I immediately told myself that maybe it was OK. I didn't focus on the first part of the week when I made sure that I was trying to figure out what made me stall last week...I think it was a couple of things like too much shrimp and eating too late. I didn't focus on how committed I was to my work outs. I immediately wanted to justify my slips this weekend.
Which is why I'm doing my second blog entry of the day. I needed to be accountable because it would be too easy to just skip it. To promise to do better and move on. Except, I know in my heart that the would be the first step back into size 28. I have 50.2 pounds to go. I have lost 125 pounds. That's a whole person....one of those skinny pains in my ass, but a person none the less. I chased my son around the playground yesterday and even crawled under the jungle gym where he was hiding, much to his surprise, to get him out in tag. This week, I ran over to a store and ran back (literally ran) and wasn't even out of breath.
I figure I'm gonna have to do this from time to time. Remind myself why I'm doing this. Remind myself how miserable my weight made me and my life. I forget sometimes. I don't know why but I do. But, I remember now and I'm done with my pity party.