Sunday, October 17, 2010

My Own Pity Party

So, I done had me a pity party.  I wasn't feeling well all week; tired and run down and I guess I decided I wasn't going to be strong.  I'm actually still KINDA proud of myself because when I "cheat" it is not the behavior or the kinds of foods that I would binge off of in my other life.  You guys already know my major "non cheat, cheat" protein bars (I indulged this week); I also ate some foods when I wasn't supposed to and increased some of my portions (this happened this weekend); and the worst of all I had a piece of my son's potatoes that had oil and salt on it...and a Brussels sprout that had salt and oil...actually it was a half of a sprout.

In all seriousness what I'm most concerned about was that I felt myself resort to old form, which is mostly not feeling in control of my eating.  It's a scary feeling.  But you know the worst part?  It's that I lost 4.6 pounds this week because I immediately told myself that maybe it was OK.  I didn't focus on the first part of the week when I made sure that I was trying to figure out what made me stall last week...I think it was a couple of things like too much shrimp and eating too late.  I didn't focus on how committed I was to my work outs.  I immediately wanted to justify my slips this weekend.

Which is why I'm doing my second blog entry of the day.  I needed to be accountable because it would be too easy to just skip it.  To promise to do better and move on.  Except, I know in my heart that the would be the first step back into size 28.  I have 50.2 pounds to go.  I have lost 125 pounds.  That's a whole of those skinny pains in my ass, but a person none the less.  I chased my son around the playground yesterday and even crawled under the jungle gym where he was hiding, much to his surprise, to get him out in tag.  This week, I ran over to a store and ran back (literally ran) and wasn't even out of breath. 

I figure I'm gonna have to do this from time to time.  Remind myself why I'm doing this.  Remind myself how miserable my weight made me and my life.  I forget sometimes.  I don't know why but I do.  But, I remember now and I'm done with my pity party.


  1. I'm not going to join in your pity party - so it is a good thing it's over. :-) (please, read my kidding in this)

    It really is all about focusing on the future, not necessarily the small victories, or even big ones, we have along the way. If we aren't careful, we do just what you mentioned here, and we allow a victory to become an excuse.

    You can do this!

  2. Damn right !!! Proud to watch you get healthy !!

  3. I love this post. I think we all have a tendency toward the pity party. I definitely do. Good for you for recognizing it and calling yourself on it. I think that is so important on making it stop once and for all.

  4. I got up today by reading all three of your last posts. First, glad you are over the pity stuff. We all go through it. I am in a little funk myself. But, time to move on. YOU have done so much. I am amazed that you have lost as much weight as a person, albeit, a small person, but never the less, an incredible accomplishment.
    I hope the next time you posts it is about Zumba and that new class you signed up for!!