Thursday, August 19, 2010

Reflection in a Vending Machine

There are vending machines in the corridor that leads to one of entrances/exits of the building where I work.  Before I made the decision to change my life, I frequented these machines alot.  I would scrounge up my dollars or change and stock up on several items.  There were many occasions when I would walk by just to plan out what I was going to eat.  I guess there were lots of other people planning their attack because my favorites would be missing from their usual spots for weeks at a time.

Once I started my lifestyle change, I noticed that I would have a visceral reaction to the vending machine.  I mostly felt nervous that its contents would whisper sweet nothings in my ear and lure me back to binging and thus, purging my success.  I made a conscious effort not to even look in the machine.  As I walked down the long hallway, my stride would widen and my pace quicken until I was safely on the other side of the door that I was powerless to reopen.

Yesterday, I walked by the machine twice.  On my second time past, I realized that I had looked into the machine both times but instead of looking for my old life I was checking my new self out in my reflection. 

Damn, I'm looking good!


  1. Love it! And I like the new new layout, lol!

  2. Your blog is SO good. Funny, heartwarming, surprising, and honest. It's great to get to know the new you.

  3. Thanks guys. Brandi, you were right about this being a heck of a lot cheaper than therapy. This blog is really helping me on my journey. I have to think about things, I have to process and understand myself and my actions and most importantly, it helps me to be accountable. Thanks for sharing this with me.