Thursday, August 19, 2010

Reflection in a Vending Machine

There are vending machines in the corridor that leads to one of entrances/exits of the building where I work.  Before I made the decision to change my life, I frequented these machines alot.  I would scrounge up my dollars or change and stock up on several items.  There were many occasions when I would walk by just to plan out what I was going to eat.  I guess there were lots of other people planning their attack because my favorites would be missing from their usual spots for weeks at a time.

Once I started my lifestyle change, I noticed that I would have a visceral reaction to the vending machine.  I mostly felt nervous that its contents would whisper sweet nothings in my ear and lure me back to binging and thus, purging my success.  I made a conscious effort not to even look in the machine.  As I walked down the long hallway, my stride would widen and my pace quicken until I was safely on the other side of the door that I was powerless to reopen.

Yesterday, I walked by the machine twice.  On my second time past, I realized that I had looked into the machine both times but instead of looking for my old life I was checking my new self out in my reflection. 

Damn, I'm looking good!

4 comments:

  1. Love it! And I like the new new layout, lol!

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  2. Your blog is SO good. Funny, heartwarming, surprising, and honest. It's great to get to know the new you.

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  3. Thanks guys. Brandi, you were right about this being a heck of a lot cheaper than therapy. This blog is really helping me on my journey. I have to think about things, I have to process and understand myself and my actions and most importantly, it helps me to be accountable. Thanks for sharing this with me.

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