Monday, September 20, 2010

Delightfully Anxious

Do you remember the excitement of staying up late watching the skies for the first snow flakes to start after the news predicts a major snow storm and you just need to see the first flakes start before you go to bed so that your dreams can be filled with what you'll do with your day off from school instead of taking that test?   Or, how you feel right before you open that gift on Christmas, Kwanzaa or your birthday when you gave precise hints about what you wanted?  Or, how about waiting for the clock to strike midnight to usher in a year of brand new possibilities after a year of nothing special?

I feel that way right now.  I feel on the verge of something amazing, but in the pit of my stomach I have that fear that the snow won't shut down school, or I'll get a sweater instead of the cabbage patch doll I wanted, or that the new year will end up as bad as the last and I'll be sitting in the same spot making the same wishes in another year.

I've lost a lot of weight before.  I think this is the most weight that I've ever lost but only by about 15-20 pounds.  I was telling my mom tonight how just six months ago, it all seemed so far away--reaching my goal.  But now I'm 61 pounds from my goal and I'm delightfully anxious.  I know, for some, 60 pounds is the journey.  However, having accomplished what I've accomplished so far, 60 pounds...well it's not nothing but it's definitely within my sights.  That's the anxious part.  I'm so close and yet there's so much that could happen before I get there.  I guess it's a good thing that I'm not depending on snow, or someone else to buy me something and the only promises of new possibilities are the ones I make for myself!  I'm reaching this goal.  For the first time, I'm gonna do this!

No comments:

Post a Comment