Thursday, September 30, 2010

I've fallen in love with my son.  In love with being his mother.  In love with building the best life for us.  I felt like I was in crisis a few weeks ago.  You may remember the post.  It's crazy sometimes how everything happens all at once and nothing works and you just feel like you are going to break.  I didn't though.  I didn't because I'm changing.  I have the tendency to try to cover up my flaws.  I don't know who I think I'm fooling.  I mean I acted for years like weight wasn't an issue and I was damn near 400 pounds!  Who was I fooling?  My son and I would have a rough night or morning and I'm yelling and out of control and my mom would ask me if she can help and I'd say something like "No, I've got it."  Who do I think I'm fooling? 

But like I said, I'm changing.  I didn't sneak eat this time.  I asked for help.  I talked to people and listened and stopped making excuses and accepted advice I may have dismissed before.  The result is..I'm dealing better.  He's still challenging, hell that's his job.  I still get frustrated.  I don't think I'm yelling, though.  Tonight he asked me if I was trying to work on my yelling...his words!  I said yes.  He said, cause you know it scares me?!  Tears flowed in my heart when he said that.  I thank God my son is as articulate as he is because he tells me things.  Everyone knows yelling isn't helpful but to hear your son tell you it scares him...WOW. 

But like I said, I'm changing.  And I'm in a great place.  I'm enjoying my life. 

How about you, are you enjoying life or just muddling through?


  1. You're making me cry! I'm glad you're working on your yelling - I tried to tell you years ago when we almost got evicted for making noise during sporting events that you were too loud! :-)

  2. The sixers went to the finals!!!! lol That was actually appropriate yelling:-) But so am I.