Weight Loss Program: Hot 100 Update--#13-14

So, I missed my Hot 100 Updates for the last two weeks but I did want to do a final update to complete the challenge.  I'm working on follow through...finishing the things that I start.  That probably should have been one of my goals.  But anyway, here goes...

These are my goals from the Hot 100 Challenge and my progress on them.

1. Blog at least 3 times a week--Fell off for the final two weeks; was doing well for a while.  This goal was not accomplished

2. Complete four days of toning per week--I incorporated higher weights in my workouts and I'm going to borrow PX90 from a friend to up my toning regimen.  Looking at my body (me...not you) I can see the fruits of my labor and have been pleased overall.  I say this goal was accomplished

3. Fit into a size 14 pants by the end of the challenge.--I did not have a final fitting but I fit into size 14 pants and jeans so this goal was accomplished.

4. Get at least 7 hours of sleep per night.--The spirit of this goal was accomplished although my sleep was all out of whack the last week with company at the house and being off from work.

5. Slow down my eating so that it takes at least 20 minutes.-This goal was accomplished.

6. Drink 100 oz of water a day--This goal was accomplished although it was a lot tougher being home for the last week+.

7. Log my food journal EVERYDAY--I rocked this goal within the last three-four weeks.  This was and is a complete success.

Thanks Steve for helping my journey with this challenge.

Coping

Happy New Year!

I haven't been around for a while and unfortunately I must say that I did not do a good job of sticking with my eating program.

I used to think that I handled stress amazingly well.  I would watch others relying on destructive behaviors like drinking, smoking, drugs, lashing out at others or just shutting others out and shutting themselves down.  That wasn't me, at least I don't think that was me.  Truth is I had my own destructive behavior...FOOD.  I learned early in my journey that I'm an emotional eater and that stress triggers my craving to eat.  I know this.  Except lately, I've allowed myself to return to some of those old coping with food behaviors.

My surge in cooking, adapting off-plan foods to my program, baking off-plan foods for others to enjoy were all things that slowly (or not so slowly) led me back to an unhealthy relationship with food.  I was thinking about it all the time because of researching and experimenting.  Food was central for enjoyment and not sustenance.  I debated the issue in a previous post and I guess the answer is "I'm not there yet."

So, yesterday I went back to basics.  I began a new "six weeks" for my program.  I have never stopped doing the program but I did stop counting the weeks in six week increments.  Well, I'm in the first week of a new six weeks with a goal of losing 25 pounds.  That's the remaining weight that I have to lose.  I don't know if my body will lose that quickly but I will follow the plan exactly and go for broke!

I also need to deal with how I cope.  One positive thing that I've done has been to step up my exercise regimen.  I worked out almost everyday from December 24th to January 2nd...at least eight of of ten days.  I also upped the intensity, weights and added ab work.  However, I've been dealing with some stress that I actually haven't dealt with, if that makes sense.  Here's the deal folks.  I need some help.  I'm gonna share some stuff that I don't need any feedback on but just need to share.  Then, I'm going to tell you what I need you guys to do to help me be accountable to myself.

My Stress:

Health Issues--If you've been reading then you know I recently had a lymph node biopsy of an enlarged lymph node.  The initial and fantabulous report of there being no cancer is still fantabulous but unfortunately has not been the end of the story.  The doctors are still testing for other diseases or conditions that could be causing my lymph nodes to enlarge.  According to the pathologists, the lymph node does not present itself as harmless but they have not been able to detect anything wrong.  The node has been sent off to other experts for further testing.  I've been in a "what the hell is going on in my body" mode since September and on a emotional roller coaster of first being relieved that there was no cancer to being terrified that maybe that wasn't the worst case scenario.  I need to say, that I have amazingly wonderful people around me who give me a tremendous amount of support and encouragement, who help me to stay positive and always think the best...but there are times when I just need someone to listen to me be scared and to give voice to the terror that exists in my brain about what going on with me.  Honestly, I think the result of all of this will be the same as a year ago.  I think that I am one of a small percent of people who has enlarged lymph nodes for no apparent reason...or no apparent horrible, life threatening reason.  BUT, I have to acknowledge the fact that it may be something else and that scares me...so here goes, here's my voice saying that "I'm terrified that I could  have the battle for my life on the horizon...that I could be seriously debilitated in some way just as I've gotten my health and body in the best condition it's ever been...or even worse, that I will not see my son grow up."  Ok, with that said, whatever is out there for me, I will deal.

Mothering--I've talked before about my struggles with mommihood.  Being a single mom is THE hardest thing that I have ever done, hands down!  I say this and I have a lot of support.  I live with my parents and they help me to no end with raising an intelligent, strong-willed, opinionated, energetic, physical and rough & tumble almost 4 year old.  I struggle all the time with defining for myself a style of parenting that will work for us and this is complicated by sharing that responsibility with two other adults who are grand parent guardians and a father who is a part of his son's life but does not live with him.  And, if I'm honest, I would say that I'm intimidated by the fact that of these adults I am the only one who is doing this for the first time.  Lately, there has been a lot of concern about the aggressive and defiant behavior that my son is displaying.  I don't know if his behavior is abnormal for his age and personality but I do know that I have struggled somewhat with how to channel the positive aspects of his strong personality and lessen the destructive/unhealthy/pain-in-the-ass negative aspects.  I'm working on it and I'm feeling more confident in things that I can/need to do to teach him how to be a thinking, caring and sociable boy.  But I've been stressed about it.



My Journey--People tell me all the time how much I've inspired them and that is inspiring to me.  I've been asked how will I use my journey to help others and to even benefit myself.  The one thing that I've learned lately is that my journey isn't over. I think I fooled myself into thinking that I had arrived at my destination, but I haven't reached my goal and while I've discovered the answers to a lot of questions, I haven't answered all of my questions or even asked them all.  I know that I can keep sharing my journey, but that's it for now.  I have to finish helping myself and figuring it out.  I have to continue to find my own inspiration, reinvest in my own commitment and ask myself everyday if I'm doing the things that will allow me to accomplish my goal.

And this leads me to the point when I tell you what I need from you, whoever you are out there who've been paying attention.  When I'm not blogging, I'm off my game.  If you're not getting blogs from me, then I need you to email me...mybestself614@gmail.com or call me if you have my number or hit me up on Facebook and ask me what the hell is up!  I guarantee you, if the blogs aren't coming I'm feeling overwhelmed, uninspired or out of balance.  My goal is to blog at least three times a week, except during training weeks when I know I feel overwhelmed, uninspired and out of balance...I give myself a pass for that week, cause a girl is just tired! (That will be next week, by the way.)  So, that's what I need from you guys as I work to try to get the final 25 pounds off my hips forever...actually my hips are looking pretty hot--my thighs, arms and gut could use 25 off.

Thank you guys for being there so far...more to come.

Weight Loss Program: Me Not So Long Ago

I went to my Zumba class last night and totally kicked ass again.  I love my class.  It's growing and growing, though...it's getting tough to get a spot!

Anyway, there was a young lady there yesterday.  The daughter of a used-to-be-regular (one of the first guys of the class) and obese.  I always take a spot on the front row because there are fewer distractions and clear view of the instructor, so I didn't see the young lady during the beginning of the class.  When I finally did see her, she was on the wall not participating in the class.  It wasn't that she wasn't engaged but I couldn't tell if it was just too much for her or she did not feel comfortable trying.  Whatever it was, I kept my eyes on her for some reason.

I realized later that she reminded me of me.  I probably wouldn't even have attended the class but she was there.  I decided that I would share my story with her.  After the class, I asked if I could talk to her. I told her that nine months ago I weighed 145 pounds more than I do now and that all it takes is for you to start moving...start somewhere.  I told her I wasn't trying to get in her business or preach to her but that it's possible to lose the weight, even when it seems too big an endeavor.  I told her that I hoped to see her in class again and that it really is possible.

I don't know if she received my little chat in the spirit in which it was given but I had to choke back some tears as I talked to her.  I know what it's like to be in that place where either you feel like you have no control over your life and your body.  Either she was there from her own desire and could not participate or she was made to come and would not participate...either way I was her not so long ago.

But yesterday, while the former me was in the back of the room spectating, the current me was in the front row, helping another new person figure out that thing called Zumba and showing the rest of the class how big girls can keep up with instructors!

Weight Loss Program: Being Accountable

So, I had a great weekend with the Eagles amazing win!  Philly has just been beating up on New York all week long: we stole Lee, beat the Rangers and totally stole the hearts of the Giants in 7+ minutes!  Sorry Aunt Marion but I told you to stop trying to brainwash my son:-)

Anyway, eating wise I had an interesting weekend.  I just wanted to eat this weekend.  I think it's TOM rearing its ugly head.  Usually when I get that light-headed feeling when I'm getting up, I know TOM is heading my way. So, I did a lot of cooking this weekend and I've been having a tough time not picking/tasting as I go.  I am logging everything though so it's being accounted for.  Anyway, I decided to make some cookies as Christmas gifts for the teachers in my son's daycare and I had 1/2 of one.  It was really good but it tripped me all out.  I didn't feel good about eating it.

I tried to justify it: "You only ate half...you could have eaten more...you just wanted to see how it tasted...it's not a big deal....if you were on weight watchers you could have had it no problem..."  Truth is I'm not on weight watchers and it's not something that is on my program and I ate it because it looked and smelled good.  That's it.  But, I'm not gonna make it into a big deal b/c I've thought about why I did it, I'm not making excuses, and I'm back on track today but I did need to be accountable for eating it.  That to me would be worse than eating the cookie.

It's funny though.  I feel the temptation of off-plan food more than I did in the beginning.  I don't know why exactly, but I do know that I just have to make the choices every day that work for me.  So, while the temptation is there, I also just feel like I'm not the same person I used to be and my decisions are just better, more purposeful and based on maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

In other news:  I freaking freezing!!!!!  My fingertips are blue! and I had to cover up my cute outfit of my mom's olive green sweater that I've gotten a ton of complements on with my too, too big sweater from my former life...come on, man!  How's that for irony?  I lose a bunch of weight and get a getting their cute body and have to cover it up cause I'm cold!  Well, I guess my man is pleased:-)  Later, yall.

Weight Loss Program: Hot 100 Update--#12

These are my goals from the Hot 100 Challenge and my progress on them.

1. Blog at least 3 times a week--Doing really well with this goal.  Slacked up the last two days with holiday events and being tired but still did well.

2. Complete four days of toning per week--Started back working out full force last Saturday.  I added my weights to my workout this morning.  Felt really good.

3. Fit into a size 14 pants by the end of the challenge.--I got into one of the size 14s that I own in size 16 but the pair, not yet.  That means I missed the goal of Dec. 15th for being a 14 but I know I'll make it for the challenge.

4. Get at least 7 hours of sleep per night.--Doing pretty good with this goal.  I've been kinda tired and for the most part, getting good rest.

5. Slow down my eating so that it takes at least 20 minutes.-Still doing well with this one.

6. Drink 100 oz of water a day--I'm drinking about 133 oz of water a day.

7. Log my food journal EVERYDAY--I'm logging my food everyday for every meal and tracking my exercise.

I'm still feeling pretty good and doing well with my program.  I'm back to losing about 2-3 pounds a week.  I have 28 pounds left till I reach my goal!  Things are going great with me...how about you?

Was supposed to publish this last night, but I just crashed!
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I went to my job's End of the Year party last night.  We go on this boat called The Spirit of Philadelphia and most of the time I go because I feel obligated not because I really want to.  It was really no different this year except I got a little more excited to go because I got to play dress up with my mom's clothes.  I have to say I looked cute.  My underwear, stockings, jeans and shoes were mine...everything else, including the lipstick I wore was borrowed from my mom.

I felt like I finally was able to benefit from a time honored tradition that my sister has enjoyed for years...borrowing your mom's good clothes.  My mom and dad were really excited that I was able to join the tradition, so much so that I don't think that the true implications have hit my mom yet.  She's just pleased that it's now possible.  My dad, always the more practical and realistic, quickly asked her if she wanted him to buy some locks when he went out.

I moved into a new decade this week, always a great mental milestone.  I've got 28.8 pounds left to lose.  That's just amazing to me.  Under 30 pounds left when I started with 175.  I remember thinking about that number and being scared of it.  I had never set a pound goal or an actual weight goal for that matter and 175 seemed so intimidating.   Clearly, that is a Biggest Loser number, a gastric bypass or lap band number, or at the very least it was a 2-3 year in the future number.

Coming so far, in such a short amount of time has benefits and challenges.  I'm grateful that I'm moving quickly and staying motivated (with a few blips here or there).  I worry at times that the mental changes that I must maintain aren't permanent.  I think that time would do a better job to imprint them on my soul, though I don't know if that is even possible.  At the very least, they would be stronger habits, less of a deviation from my norm.  But, like I said, maybe that never happens.  Maybe my reality, my cross to bear, is that I will always have to make the decision, everyday.  Hey, maybe this is what normal eaters do everyday too.  Never been one so I don't know.

Weight Loss Program:

A few minutes ago, I asked my mom a question I've never asked her.  Even though I was nervous about asking her, I was really excited about it.  The excitement was greater, definitely.  "Mom, can I look through your clothes for something to wear to my job's holiday party?"  That's right, ladies and gentlemen.  I asked my mom to borrow some clothes, not socks.  This was not possible since probably junior high, which coincidentally was that last time I remember being able to fit a size 14.  Can I just tell you that I'm really excited?  Yeah, yeah, yeah being able to fit my mom's clothes is great, but my mom's clothes are fly! 

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I have to give a huge, superduper shout out to Debbi from Debbi Does Dinner Healthy for a fantastically, delicious recipe for Butternut Squash and Apple Soup.  Here's mine (that's probably a little more than 1 serving):

This soup has a curry flavor and I coupled it with my version of PF Chang's Coconut-Curry Vegetables ( I added chicken as well) for my lunch yesterday and was quite happy.  The coconut-curry dish is not what it should be flavor wise, because I ran out of some ingredients, but I will make it again when I stock up and I know it will be excellent.  Here's my Coconut-Curry Chicken & Veggies (that's 1 serving by the way):

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I know that I've read a lot on other weight loss blogs about the difficulty at times with maintaining regularity.  I've got to tell you, I have found victory by increasing my intake of pumpkin, sweet potatoes and butternut squash. I'm sure my increase in water is also helping. Happy days are here again! 

Had breakfast: egg white omelet (with 2 egg whites) w/ green, red, orange pepper, onions, diced sweet grape tomatoes and some tomato paste; 1/2 grapefruit; coffee w/ English toffee sugar-free syrup; and 20 oz of water...working on my second 20 oz right now.

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Ok, I'm going to search though my mommy's closet!